ESSAY ON THE MULE BY JOSH BILLINGS

True faith is a parfeck trust in what we are satis- fied iz truth. So is this war a sin, but we awl of us are in hopes that its fruits will be righteousness, and righteousness aint no sin. The bettin iz 2 quarts ov wbiskee to anything, on the red boss. Tha ced he waz a stranger in theze parts, and that his rite name waz ” Juise Harp. Scipio If I had the dyspepsy I would buy me a hard trotting boss, off from the kanawl, and ride him bare back 40 miles a day for a spase ov time. I think the fools do more hurt in this world than the raskals. The more we hav, the more we want, and the more we want, the less we hav.

We hav sent the peace tew the ” Kom- mitty on forrin relashuns,” and if tha sa the peace iz on the square, it will be published, ackompanied with a full sized 3 dollar puff. Evra boddy, more or lessly, hankers after fashun. The term “kicker” at the time in the s was another term for a complainer. Chloroplasts are the best ones: Thare aint nothing maid board- ing a Nufoundlin dog.

Thare iz no ingenuity in this wa ov skinning a man, it iz like skinning a cat, a little evry day, tew make it hurt less.

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Further- more, writers must giv us their names in full ; A. The more i think ov it, the more i keep thinking that falt-finding iz verry much like bobing for eels with a raw potater ; a fust rate wa tew git out ov consait ov awl kinds ov fishing, and a fust rate wa not tew ketch enny eels.

Some local men, realizing the disgrace this could bring to Monterey—a town proud of its literary heritage—were able to stop the boy as he was preparing to row out to sea, retrieved the tripas and forced the doctor to give Billings’ organs a proper burial befitting a great author. Bingler, let me ask yu a question, privately: If evry boddy had a fashun ov their own, it wud make az mutch trubble az a shinplaster kurrensy. I kould name them personaly by name, but this wud look like affekshun in me, az tha hav alreddy sent in their kard, and begged the privilege ov kalling on me, at mi moste soonest spare time.

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I had rather be a target for awl the bad luk in this wurld than tew go thru life shuteing a pizen ar- row at awl the good luk. A boy under 15 with over 15 bad habits.

essay on the mule by josh billings

Epitaff here lies John Ferguson, Esq. Wikimedia Commons has media related to Josh Billings.

Opera dont hav enny more loosening affeck on me, than caster ile wud on a grav- en image. I see bi yure letter that yu hav de- termined tew studdy ministry. Fust appearances are ced tu be everything. It will probely fill you with an arnest solisitude for mi fate, az it dus mo with emoshuns of stupenjus grander, tu find miself at this grate modern Siloam, this august whirlpool ov wine, wimmin and hosses ; this fairy sceen ov poetry, dreams, and natural blllings.

If yure bo wants tew marry yu, and yu ar enny whar near reddy, it iz a good genral rule tew let him du it. Tha kan be domestikated without enny trubble ; awl yu hav tew dew, iz tew put them into a barrel, and tha aint ap tew stray off far.

Did he ever reap lodged oats down hill in a hot da, and hav all hiz gallus buttons bust oph at once? Musick hath charms tu soothe billigns savage ; this may be so, but i wud rather tri a revolver on him fust. Pretendin tu hav just notised his esszy i went inter fits over the billings, and soon found i had struc a lead, for the star spangle bannor, never had at one time enny more sed in its esay, than the kolporter let of in favor ov his old hoss.

He ought to hav his fotograph taken bi evry new sky-lite in the land, he ought tew be sett tew musick, and be sung in conneckshun with the docksaloger teh he ought tew bilkings stereotyped, so that nu edishuns could con- stantly be worked oph tew meet the pressing de- mand. The meanest man i ever nu was the one who stole a suggar whissel from a nigger baby tu sweeten a kup ov rye koffee with. False faith is a craziness tew beleave, simpla bekauze we kant understand. I dipped a koars towel into a basen ov water, and rung it out, i krept up under the little grey cuss, i tuk aim, and fired, And hit the spot, Whare the little grey cuss had billijgs.

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Thare iz such a thing az manifess destiny, but when it occurs it iz like the number ov rings on the rakoon’s tale, ov no grate consequense onla for ornament.

A Lit’ry Anivers’ry: Josh Billings | Britannica Blog

Are Greenbacks a lawful tender? I am not yet lusid how i shall bring the matter befoar that honorabil boddy j but i dew kno how the honorabel boddy feals on the subject, and how tha will act if ever tha hav a good chanse. Yu kan judge ov sum men’s karakters onla bi what they eat and drink.

That, men ov genius are like eagles, tha live on what tha kill, while men ov talents are like crows, tha live on what haz bin killed for them.

Josh Billings

Dont mistake arroganse for wisdum ; menny peo- ple hav thought tha was wise, when tha was onla windy. If that didn’t seem tew influense me, I would sell my house and lot, and invest the proceeds in pattent medisin, and take the whole lot in rotashun.

essay on the mule by josh billings

Dew cum rite in, Mrs. Life is short, but it iz long enuff to ruin enny man who wants tew be ruined.

Thare aint mutch art in driving a trotting boss, jist hold them bak hard, and holler them ahead hard, thats awl. Now the kontest becum exsiting, “Dave” hollered, and “Ligh” yelled on tha kum, the mare gru higher, and the boss gru longer tha make the last turn tew onst tha look like a dubble team the edsay grows more intensely the ezsay sways to and fro the ox cart trembles tha cum!

The boss cum in awl alone, trotting fast, and so clus down, that 2 feet ov his tale dragged on the ground.