I know I have. But that is not true. Good morning and congratulations to the Dartmouth Class of If I had gone to Dartmouth, I might have spent at least some of my college years outside and today I might not be allergic to all plant life, as well as most types of rock. They must, however, be on campus during their Sophomore 4th of July.

Michael Corleone from The Godfather. Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: After my phone call with President Kim, I decided to find out a little bit about the man. Of course I’m speaking generally. When I got the call two months ago to be your speaker, I decided to prepare with the same intensity many of you have devoted to an important term paper. What if I had gone to Dartmouth?

Though the College has chosen political and social leaders to give past Commencement addresses, the College has decided to go with a different route this year. It looks like you stole it from the set of Survivor: Don’t let those bastards do it. But this is a wonderful occasion and it is great to be here in New Hampshire, where I am getting an honorary degree and connan the legal fireworks I can fit in the trunk of my car.

I did stand-up, wore a skin-tight blue leather suit, recorded an album, made a documentary, and frightened my friends and family.

The Greatest Speeches in History: Conan O’Brien Delivers Dartmouth’s Commencement Address

I know I have. What if I had gone to Dartmouth?


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I dove into the world of social media. Good God, man, what the hell are you compensating for? Parents, you should write this down: To communicate with you students today, I have gone to great lengths to become well-versed in your unique linguistic patterns.

When I was 17 years old and touring colleges, way back in the fall ofI came to Dartmouth.

What Seniors Want in a Commencement Speaker

And Dartmouth is giving me the same degree for interviewing the fourth lead in Twilight. And I will punish those who tried to replace it with Fieldstock. speecch

The Greatest Speeches in History is a weekly column that compiles the most memorable speeches in history with the goal to emphasize on the power of public speaking, to illustrate its importance, impact, and necessity to master.

But then came. Thank you very much, and congratulations. Even when they promise you for five years that they are going to leave—and say it on television —I mean you can go on YouTube right now and watch the guy do it, graduwtion is no guarantee they won’t come back. But a little over a year ago, I experienced a profound and very public disappointment.

Clothing will be optional, all expenses paid by the Alumni Association. Four of them were later killed in motel shoot-outs. In fact, this is my second time coming here. Nietzsche famously said “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. They must, however, be on campus during their Sophomore 4th of July. Related Stories College announces potential sites for new biomass heating plant Green Key weekend sees few arrests College denied dartouth made by expelled student in lawsuit.


But a little over a year ago, I experienced a profound and very public disappointment. You have graduated more great fictitious Americans than any other college.

Conan O’Brien Delivers Commencement Address

The other one briefly hosted Blues Cluesbefore dying senselessly in yet another motel shoot-out. Another example that life is not fair: In fact, this is my second time coming here.

When I arrived I took a deep breath of this crisp New England air and thought, “Wow, I’m in the state that’s next to the state where Ben and Jerry’s ice cream is made. Four years ago, many of you had a specific vision of what your college experience was going to be and who you were going to become.

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I made the trip up speecj Boston on a mule and, after asking the blacksmith in West Leb for directions, I came to this beautiful campus. My first job as your commencement speaker is to illustrate that life is not fair. But fate dealt a heavy blow. I bet some of you have changed your sexual orientation since I began this speech.